Monday, November 30, 2009

We told my parents!

Last Wednesday we drove to Sherman and told my parents the happy news.  Overall they are happy, disappointed we didn't wait a couple months, and just worried about us.  Its just such a relief to not have to hide it from them anymore.  We are still going to keep it quiet until after the wedding just because. 

We had a fabulous Thanksgiving!  I actually made the turkey, gravy, corn casserole, and green beans this year!!  I was kinda proud of myself.  Now if I could display that much domesticity at home I would be in good shape!  I cannot believe we will be married in just under 3 weeks!  19 days!!!!!!

Friday, November 20, 2009

kinda lost at the moment

I just got a very disturbing phone call and I don't know how to even process the information given to me.  This is not making my already bad day any better. 

Ok, first off, I have mentioned that I do have thyroid issues.  In 2004, I was diagnosed with Grave's disease.  This means I had a hyperthyroid problem, too much thyroid production.  This explained my high anxiety, my withdrawl from people I know and love, my extremely rapid heartbeat (my resting heartrate was about 120 bpm), my excessive sweating, basically on a list of about 20 symptoms, I had 19.  The only one I didn't have was unexplained weight loss.  I went through therapy and a radioactive iodine treatment which essentially killed my thyroid.  I have been on thyroid replacement medication ever since.  Except of course when I did not have health insurance and could not afford the blood tests or doctors visits.  The symptoms of hypothyroid would show up, but I knew what was causing it so it didn't bother me and I coped.  Well, I lost my health insurance in January when I separated from Dallas ISD and because I was only making $12 an hour at the Hilton, I could not afford the COBRA I was offered if I were going to continue to pay my car payment, house payment and other bills.  So I went without.  When I got health insurance again, I didn't immediately go to the thyroid doctor because the preexisting condition clause and honestly, I felt fine.  Apparently I'm not fine.

My thyroid doctor called me this afternoon and told me that my thyroid level came back and she has never seen a person living with levels as low as mine.  Basically after saying that she doesn't know how we got pregnant to begin with because my ovaries should not have been functioning, she tells me over the phone as I am driving down the road, that although I am excited about my pregnancy, I should seriously think about it.  How am I supposed to respond to that?  I didn't know what to say so I basically said, um ok, and hung up.  When I first got home, I was so upset.  Basically my child could have major developmental delays, and its completely my fault.  Then these other thoughts, plus the wonderfully supportive man I marry in 29 days came home to comfort me and reassure me and remind me that no matter what should have been happening in my body, it was functioning.  My ovaries were producing, we did get pregnant.  The egg traveled down and attach itself to my uterus.  Its heart is beating.  I have seen its growth.  I have felt the glorious pregnancy symptoms.  Danny and I have no reason to believe that this baby will be anything but healthy.

Now the anger is setting in.  How dare this woman after one blood test and one 15 minute conversation tell me over the phone no less that I should consider terminating my pregnancy!  Granted she did not actually say that, but she implied it.  Seriously... telling a person who is extremely hormonal while they are driving that they may have hurt their baby unintentionally, that it may be extremely harmed and that its your fault and you should basically consider ending its precious life before it even begins.  My baby is still technically an embryo, my placenta is not even formed yet.  I am pro-choice, I understand that not everyone is meant to be a parent and there are many valid reasons to terminate a pregnancy.  However, I personally could never do that.  I'm a special education teacher... these are the children that I advocate for everyday.  They are my passion.  The very idea that a doctor would suggest that I do anything but continue to protect and keep my baby as healthy as possible now that I know that I am pregnant and extremely hypothyroid by taking my medication and keeping tabs on my levels, etc is upsetting to me.  I do appreciate the doctor's candor and frankness about the risks; however, the incredibly unprofessional way in which she told me irks me.  She should have called me and Danny into her office to sit us down and calmly tell us the results, the risks, and the options. 

We will be calling my ob/gyn on Monday to request another endocrinologist.  I want a second opinion!

Monday, November 16, 2009

PS for the moment....

Stole this from a friends blog, but PS will be a segment on either Pregnancy Sucks or Pregnancy Stuff... depending on the circumstance.  Today it is the former.  I can't keep anything down.  I stayed home sick today.  I was just now able to keep down some cheerios and a glass of water.  I am exhausted... I slept all night last night and all day today and I cannot wait for Danny to get home from class so that I can go back to bed.  There is alot they don't tell you about pregnancy.  Yes, I do have all these fabulous cravings for wonderful food things, some normal, some strange, yet all completely intolerable and therefore I have yet to indulge in one!  Its so frustrating to want to taste something and yet the thought of chewing and swallowing it makes you want to run screaming to the bathroom.  I also started having some abdominal cramping which the doctor said was normal.  It is incredibly hard not to be able to talk to my mom about this.  I want to know what she went through, how she felt.  I want her advice and to be able to tell her everything.  Not sharing this with her is so hard!  I so wanted to tell them on Sunday but they were tired and didn't want to meet us and I couldn't think of a good reason for us to go up there.  I know she knows something is up and that I am hiding something from her.  That kills me.   I want to tell her something, anything so badly!  I have found myself randomly calling her with absolutely nothing to say hoping desperatley that she will come out and ask me.  Ok, I have to pee for the umpteenth time tonight (which I also find interesting given I haven't been able to even keep down liquids) so I better cut it off for tonight.   Hope the rest of this week is better than today!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Monday, November 9, 2009

whirlwind weekend!

What a weekend!  Friday I was sick so Friday night we basically stayed in, watched the DVR-d shows we missed during the week.  Saturday was a huge day... woke up early after sleeping an insane amount of hours Friday and Friday night.  Got my hair done (lady is amazing, me being lazy I haven't washed it yet and I still have curls!), got my makeup done, ate lunch with mom and then had my bridal portraits taken.  It was fun!  I felt so pretty!  Got alot of explanation for the ginormous boobs I had on saturday in my email just now.  Swollen boobies are a pregnancy symptom that happens between the 6th and 7th weeks.  I got the proofs tonight and my boobs looked huge.  I know they are big but dang! 

I so wanted to tell my mom all day on saturday.  After she dropped me back at my car in Irving, I headed home to change clothes and pick up Danny and she went to Lynn's to change.  Then we met up again at Laura and Clint's wedding.  Everything was beautiful. I'm really glad we went because we had so much fun! 

We're entering week #7, we have a blueberry!

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Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Apparently the more know, the merrier!

I should have known women in schools cannot keep a secret.  One teacher misunderstood who another was talking about and thought she knew about me.  Then one of the ladies I told said something to me as another teacher was coming into the hall.  Basically more people were finding out so I decided it would be better for the office to hear it from me rather than somewhere else.  So I went to the office and only 1 admin was in there and I knew I would never get them all together so I went to my room and sent them an email.  Quick, effective, and I don't have to see their reaction!  Feels good to let it out.  Part of me wants to tell my parents so badly!  Then again, I know my parents and they will be so worried and I don't think they are going to be near as excited as everyone else has been.  I know they will be happy and I know it will be okay, I just think they are going to be disappointed that it is happening now rather than later.  I just don't know which would be better....

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Monday, November 2, 2009

Trick or Treat

What a great weekend!  Friday, I honestly can't remember what we did.  I know we got to leave school when the kiddos left so I got home early and took a nap and Danny got a new boots for work, but other than that, I have no recollection of the evening.  Strange...  Saturday we had a great day!   We met my parents at the Hilton for a menu tasting and to finalize details for the wedding.  The food was excellent... get excited people we are going to eat very well on Dec 19th!  Danny and I wanted to test the new camera and so we went to the water gardens in Fort Worth.  I'll get the pictures posted... we have an awesome camera!  Saturday night we went and got a couple movies and candy and got ready for the trick or treaters.  Not one kiddo came to our door!  Not one!  We were so dissapointed!  Not to mention the fact that we have all this candy to eat and that is exactly what we need...

Sunday we went to church, and then just hung out til Caleb and Lindsey got into town.  We went to Allen to meet up with them.  We ate at Mooyah... so good, and cheap!  Danny and I were both full on junior burgers and shared fries and we both got a drink and it was less than $14.  Yummy!  I knew Danny wanted to tell Caleb and the second we saw them, I wanted to tell them too!  So we did.  We had also decided that we would ask them to be the Godparents of our baby... They said yes! 

This pregnancy fatigue is getting to me.  We went to bed late last night.  I woke up sick this morning and got so upset... poor Danny!  I was upset that he didn't come help me when I called... honestly, he was snoozing and didn't know I had called him.  When he woke up and realized what happened, he was so sweet.  Just held me and calmed me down.  I love him so much, he is so good to me.    One month and 18 days til I marry this wonderful man!

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