Wednesday, October 27, 2010

29 and a 10 year reunion!

A month ago today I turned 29.   I thought I would dread it, but I'm actually looking forward to my thirties!  Reminds me of the movie 13 Going on 30... I wanna be 30 and Flirty and Fun too!

It has been quite a month that is for sure!  My parents got me a tv and a sewing machine for my birthday so I've done a couple projects.  I have essentially made 3 Roman shades for my bedroom, but I'm so scared of sewing the rings on crooked that I haven't even attempted it!  I made a dust ruffle and completed the guest room which has had a steady stream of visitors.  My parents stayed a night, Kimi and her mom stayed, my brother in law BJ and my father in law Bobby stayed for 5 days and BJ has been back here since Saturday.  I have a busy little home!

My parents and I took Gibson to the fair!  He was so good!  We also took him to the Arboretum for the pumpkins, but he's really still too little for that.  Or should I say I was as prepared as I should have been?  Hmmm.... anyway, we got a couple good shots that I will post soon.

Let's see... Danny's at Boot Camp... he has called twice, less than 5 minutes total.  Apparently another person is worth more time... I'm about done.  I need his son to be his number one priority and I'd like to at least have a thought here or there.  All the letters are telling me is that he either: a)hates it and wants to be out, b)he loves her, and wants us all to be friends (telling you right now what I wrote to him... that's a pipe dream he can give up on cause it ain't happening); or c) asking me to take care of something for him.  I do think he will eventually realize that he messed up, but I think we are going to have to end our marriage.  Especially since he has told me numerous times that he will not end it with the girl.  He loves her and doesn't want to hurt her.  I actually find that line funny everytime.  So I have consulted with JAG (its real!) and started filling out paperwork.  I am going to take Gibson to my Thanksgiving with my parents and although I got approval to go to graduation and miss those three days of work, I will be staying here.

I realized that I was just wanting resolution.  I didn't care which way it went.  That speaks volumes to me.  If I just want a decision and it will make me just as happy to hear "Let's try to work it out" as it would "I'm done, it's over"... its probably best for us to part ways.

I also do not want to wait forever for him to realize what he is doing.  He continues to treat me poorly, disrespect me and his/our families and I absolutely do not want Gibson to see any of this.  I don't want our son to think that any of this is ok.  It isn't physical abuse, but it is emotional abuse.  And not all of it is him... I've done alot of it to myself.  Neither are ok. 

The oh-so-adorable little man I get to take home with me every night is fabulous (yes, I mean Gibson!)  He is laughing, giggling, smiling, cutting teeth ( early), sitting up with support, looking more and more like a little guy everyday.  He puts everything in his mouth!  He chews and chews.  I tried the tiniest bit of rice cereal the other day to see how he liked it and he refused it.  He has to move to something else though, he eats a ton!  We had to go to 8 oz every 3-4 hours (but then he sleeps from about 7:30pm to 6am).  So all of his feeding is during the day, and he is getting enough food, but he wants the feedings about every 2 1/2 hours.  Any suggestions would be appreciated!  He weighs a ton, but with the exception of his face and thighs, he really isn't chubby.  His cheeks are big and he has no neck (he looks just like I did at his age, without the rolls for arms and legs).  I dunno.

He had his first night away from me and home last Friday.  I needed a break... Steph needed a baby to see how one fits into their current family dynamic (baby #3?!?!?!)... win win situation!  I went to happy hour to celebrate a coworkers 50th.  Remembered how much I like margaritas!  We went bowling and I was home by midnight and slept til 10:30.  It was fun and fantastic!  I missed the little guy though! 

This weekend is my 10 year reunion.  Actually 10 years ago, we were in college and a few of our lives were changing forever already.  Nonetheless, Irving High class of 2000 is getting together this weekend.  Football game on Friday (I'm taking Gibson) and then dinner (and the Ranger game!) on Saturday.  I'm meeting my brother in McKinnney on Saturday to hand over Gibson to his Unc (he just moved in with my parents temporarily) for the night.  So Gibson will have no shortage of loving this weekend... Chad, Larry, Linda, and my parents will all be in Sherman this weekend so I won't have to worry about anything.  Plus I get to eat at Matitos which I haven't had in forever and absolutely love!

Which brings me to the Rangers!!!!!  Up until this summer when their logo was replaced with a picture of Gibson, I have had my wallpaper on my phone.  I also usually have Take me out to the Ballgame as my ringtone.  I was a Dr. Pepper Jr. Ranger in the old stadium sitting way out in right field screaming mercilessly trying to get a batter to swing and holding my glove up in anticipation of catching that rare ball that came our way.  I've waiting a quarter of a century for this pennant!  I'm so excited!  My friend gave me his free tickets for my birthday (well, not really, he said who wants them... I said ME ME ME!!!!)  My daddy and I went to the game for a little date.  We lost but it was so much fun.  Then, did I mention my in-laws staying with me for 5 days?  Well, my brother in law surprised me with a thank-you gift of tickets to Game 4 against the Yankees.  That's right folks, I was there to see the first ever post season home win for the Texas Rangers.  Its not me!  YAY!  My dad gets to go to the game on Sunday and I am so jealous!  I'll be watching it on my tv.  But they are in!  This is huge!!!  I am so proud of them. 

I had something else I was going to post about, but I've been rambling so long I cannot for the life of me remember what it was... maybe I'll remember later if I ever get around to posting pictures!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Hurry Up and Wait...

This is one of those Army concepts that drives me insane.  Danny can only write letters for about the first month he is there.  He has been gone for almost three weeks and I've received 5 letters.  However, the last one that I received was on Wednesday and was written last Sunday.  As of that letter, he still had not received anything from me.  So its this constant rush to answer questions and say what you need to say so you can get it in the mail as quickly as possible.  And then you wait...  Has he received it yet?  Has he written back?  Is he going to? 

You may be wondering why I even care... Those 5 letters, Danny's first full week in Basic had him thinking that he was wrong, and that he wants to work it out.  I just want the chance to try.  So I'm definitely proceeding with caution.  It very well could me that he is just lonely (he has never been good with the whole being alone thing).  On the other side of that, he gets a 36 hour pass Nov. 25th and 26th.  It will be our first Thanksgiving so part of me really wants to go.  The other part of me thinks, in what capacity do you want me there.  As your friend?  As your wife?  As the person bringing your son to visit?  Waiting for these answers is driving me nuts. 

I need prayers for strength and guidance... I'm definitely learning lessons in trust and patience!