I changed my relationship status on Facebook tonight to married again. I had just deleted the status altogether. I've regretted doing it since. Fact is I am married. Nothing that has happened changes that. Nothing has changed to make me show to the world that I am married. Except for me realizing that papers have not been signed, legal proceedings have not begun, and lawyers have not been hired. I am a married woman. Right now, it may just be a technicality because my husband is AWOL, but still. I have always been conflicted on the subject of divorce. My friend Stephanie and I talked about it tonight and we came up with this explanation for ourselves.
There is a world view and a Christian view. The world view is telling me that I have been treated poorly, that I deserve better, and that I should let him leave, sign the papers and never look back. The Christian view is that God can give you the strength and tools you need to fix anything if you just have faith and believe. Yes, in the Bible (don't ask me where cause I don't know but I know its there) infidelity is the one out for a marriage to end. However, it is still a choice. I made a vow in front of my friends, family, Danny and God that I would love him and honor him for better or for worse, til death do we part. I cannot control Danny any more than I can control the wind, but I can put it all in God's hands. I've been trying to do that, but I got so caught up in the drama of everything, listening to everyone and not truly handing it over to him. I'd put it in His hands, but I hadn't let go yet. Its time I do that. Danny goes to the hotel tomorrow at 4pm. He leaves for Basic on Tuesday. I didn't get to say goodbye...but maybe, just maybe its because with us there is no real goodbye. He will be gone until January. He will then either go to Airborne school or his first duty station wherever that may be. I pray that this time away from everything and everyone he knows will give him the space he needs. I still love him, in spite of everything I do. I gave him my heart and I'm not going to give up on our marriage. So we will just have this time apart and if he feels the same way after Basic, I won't contest it. But for now, I will continue to love him, support him and care for him the way I have the last two years. I love you Daniel Evans Easterling and I will not stop believing in you or loving you. I miss you already!